So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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