u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
