Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
