Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
