He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
