so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
