She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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