There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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