you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
