if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
