Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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