and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
