I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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