my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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