what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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