Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
