If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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