she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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