Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
