I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
