that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
