...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
