Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
