we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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