Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My bed smells like the plague
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
