my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
