fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
