His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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