jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
