and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
