I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
