Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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