just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
