I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
