Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
