You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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