Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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