Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
