I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
