Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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