Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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