he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
