i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
