Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
