im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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