Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
