I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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