if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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