Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
