if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
