I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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