we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
