It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
