8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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